so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
