my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
