Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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