After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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