Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
