I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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