i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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