my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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