You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
