I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
