he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
