I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm at about main and main street
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
