I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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