she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
