On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were trust falling into bushes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
