so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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