I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
