just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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