the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
