just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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