Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
