FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
