Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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