grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
