Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
