3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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