Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
