Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
