Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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