WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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