glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
