I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
