nut hugger
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
