OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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