Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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