my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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