She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
