we're chasing vodka with high fives
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
