So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
