But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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