your parents love me but you hate me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
