she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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