Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
