Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
