i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
