She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
