I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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