We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
