Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
