she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
