To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
