I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
