Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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