She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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