dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
