babies were throwing up all over the place
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
