Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
